posts from the last couple days

I finally got internet on my laptop! Thanks Mike! So this post is from acouple different days.

So the past couple weeks have been interesting. Haley and I have gotten into deep conversations about Alzheimer’s, cancer and heart failure. It is amazing talking to a 5 year old. It is tough also I try and answer only what she actually asks, instead of adding information that wasn’t specifically asked for.

This past month my aunt found a suspiciousness and had it investigated, this investigation led to the unveiling of cancer rearing its ugly head within her body.  Haley has known about cancer, what it is and some ways it is treated. It was a difficult conversation though when it is about one of your own. We talked about surgery and meds, hospitals and fears. I told her auntie will need surgery and it will be right around the time she has her catheter surgery. We talked about how its scary even if it is found early and some what of a “typical” surgery. And there will be tears and rough days.  Just like when we first found out about Haley needing surgery. We were scared, there is that feeling I can most easily describe as a black hole in the pit of your stomach. But we knew it was needed and the closer we got the more comfortable we got with it, then it was over and we are going on from there. We talked about how auntie will be scared and have all these feelings we had, but she knows it is needed and prayerfully the closer it gets the more comfortable she will be, then it will be over and we will go from there. Haley stops me and says “but mom im not scared, Im excited! I want to have my surgery now!” oh my sweet Haley. This is not because she loves hospitals or PICC lines, but she knows it is what needs to happen. In  the case of my aunt, it is scary and it sucks, and whatever it is that needs to happen we will be right there when she needs us.

I got a movie the other day, I thought looked good. It is called The Christmas Shoes. If you haven’t seen it, you should it is pretty good. So we sat down and watched it as a family.  The basis of the story was a man learns a lesson about living in the moment from watching another family, where the mom is dying and the son struggles to buy her a pair of shoes for Christmas. So we are watching and the mom is in heart failure, slowly getting more and more weak, 2^nd half of the movie she is on oxygen,  at the end she can no longer walk or talk very well. They go through a time of a promising heart transplant, only for it to fall through last minute. Sorry to spoil the movie but she dies at the end….its still worth watching. So of course throughout the movie I am fighting back tears during certain parts that poked at my heart, and then Haleys questions started. Why is she wearing oxygen like me? Well honey her heart is not working very well, so she needs extra oxygen to help it. Like mine? No Haley not at all like yours. Your heart is working great right now. More questions, simple answers, nick looking at me like what do we say! He is not used to answering these questions, or really even talking with her about it. So we are on our way to class the next morning and she obviously had all night to think about it and come up with questions that pretty much add on to the ones the night before. I am so glad she couldn’t see my face. The part that sticks out in my mind was we talked about how the heart pumps oxygen blood out to your body, if your heart can’t get the oxygen to your body, then it doesn’t work, eventually the mom in the movies heart got so weak it couldn’t pump oxygen anywhere and her body died. Of course Haley’s next question was, “but I’m not gonna die, right mom?” I actually looked back in her face through the rear view mirror and said, “Well Haley we are all going to die.” She just gave me a well duh look, laughed and then that was it. Her questions were satisfied.  

So today we went to Hope kids Hope day event. The girls had so much fun! They had bouncy houses, rock wall, sports, carnival stuff, mascots, petting zoo and a stage. The kids from the school we were at took turns singing. One girl got up and sang a song about if I die young something about satin, clovers and a bed of roses. I totally know the song but can’t remember the words right now. I thought that was a bit un needed. Ha-ha it’s all good though.